Sunday, November 8, 2009

What If: Bible Edition (part 1)

what if the bible had been written by men who were married. hell, the bible is supposed to be the written word of god, so why is that all this shit written about marriage sent down on high from a bachelor? maybe it was omitted in his later edits. the original draft was, "and he made woman and it was good. she had ample bosoms and and child-bearing hips and a nice ass (yes, early women came with their own donkey) and it was good. then one day he asked her to frolic in the woods, and it was good. they nestled below a cherry tree and she did things with her mouth that he never intended it to be used for and it was really good.
then god thought to himself, 'i want to spend the rest of my days with this creation'. so he fashioned a ring from the earth and sky and gave it to her in a symbol of his affection and it was good. in the following year he made a house for her and it was good. now she had learned a new trick with her mouth, and that was speech, and it was good.. at first. then she began to speak incessantly and it was not good. she began to ask for things and then demand things. god thought to himself how to calm her, so he decided to give her a son and it was good. and for a short time god was at peace. and then the asking and demands began again. and god went into the woods and made beer and it was AWESOME!.."
ok.. so that's just one take on marriage in the bible.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

quite possibly the most wrong pictures ever...

for those of you wondering, this is not a toy for me and my wife. this was a prop used in last year's costume (see the "he did what" folder in my facebook pics albums.
when i got the costume bag down i saw this and a lightbulb went off. and so i acted on instinct and this is the result.